Teenagers, Best Appetite Suppressant EVER!

I know some people eat when stressed, but I'm the opposite, which I guess could be a good thing? I'm not sure which I prefer, feeling hungry or feeling stressed and anxious?  I have a teenage daughter.. NUFF said 

My plan was to clean the house and go to the gym. Let's see what will derail that plan today. My goal for the day is to do everything in my power not to let my teenage daughter stress me to the point of no return. Believe me she is capable.   MOM if you are reading this,  I love you, I adore you and I'm sorry for any troubles I caused you when I was a teenager!  Please take back the curse!

TGIF

What the hell? Do you see what I see?

Yes I am avoiding the royal wedding hoopla, I hate any exploitation like that. Poor Kate, hope she knows what she's in for!  

Today is Friday, The last two days we have had terrible rain and storms. Our basement has flooded twice and I have not been able to get to the gym because of the flooding in that area of town.  This evening I turned on the Wii Just Dance and did an hours worth and I think it more than made up for skipping the gym. Hopefully I will be able to get there today. I did not get to try Zumba again because of the flooding many local roads were closed. We are supposed to dry out a little this weekend so hopefully by next week things will be better. I just hope I can keep up with this week in regards to activity because I've been SPOT on up until 2 days ago. I was reaching all my goals. I just moved around my days to accommodate the flood and hope to hit the gym hard and heavy this weekend for my "Last Chance Workout" I do feel like I'm having another good week and even my Body Media says so!  I've had a calorie deficit of over 1000 except for the last 2 days but even those were in the 8 and 9 hundreds so I still feel confident I can pull off 2 more pounds this week. Of course I'm going to be happy with any loss.  I just really can't wait to go and buy some new clothes.

On another note, my sleeping has been worse because I have gone off of my Lunesta in order to participate in another sleep study in June.  I've only registered 4 hours of sleep between Monday night and Thursday night, HOWEVER.. and I didn't want to jinx this before the 4th night, but I have NOT gotten up to eat ONCE. I have only grabbed my Jenny Craig Anytime Bar off my nightstand, I did not actually get up out of the bed once in last 4 nights. That may not seem like such a great accomplishment to most, but for me it's PHENOMENAL!  I've been taking my phone and headphones to bed with some good soothing slow music which does help a little. If only my sleep would improve! I could also be psyching myself out by staying awake to control the NES on some consciences level.

Well, TGIF, I think I am going to go pop some Jolly 100 calorie mini bag, pop-corn and put in a Netflix 

No sleep

The last few days have been a bit hectic and I have not slept much at all. But the good news is that it's kept the NES under control.  Sleep is the sacrifice I suppose. I have indeed kept up with all my goals heading into the latter part of this week. I have hit the Gym Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Today is my day off of gym, however it's also the night I am going to give Zumba another try.  Back a few weeks ago I tried it and was not really crazy about it. I thought the instructor would be more "teaching" of the basic moves but instead, I was left having to figure out my own moves relying on just watching and making an idiot of myself! I found out that you can get beginners classes so that is what I'm doing tonight. I was able to get my oldest daughter to join me so it should be some-what fun.

Yesterday was the official day of the warm weather, or "first day for shorts" as I am referring to it. Last summer I didn't wear shorts much, but I did manage to find some of my summer clothes from 2 summers ago and I couldn't believe how loose the were, I had to opt for a pair that had drawstrings so I could tighten them! When I looked at the tag before I put them on, I noticed the were a "Large" so it was quite nice to see how loose they were!  I can't wait to be able to buy some cute cut-off jean shorts! In fact goal is only about 2 months away so I'm thinking I better hit the tanning booth in preparation, sounds like a good reward for myself for a job well done for this week. I will go ahead and do that this weekend!

Hubby went away for the night on Tuesday night and came home yesterday with a big ol box of donuts he grabbed for the ride home. I promptly waited for him to get into the shower and then took them and put them on the front seat of his truck! I mean really now.. Donuts? He said he wasn't thinking, apologized but then wanted to know where I put them. LOL! No, he had to wait until he went to work this morning to which he texted me "Ah...you didn't throw them away!" No, I'm not that bad yet! I have not even given his and my younger daughter's Easter basket a second thought actually, which is a little odd seeing that I LOVE chocolate. What woman doesn't like chocolate? I did recently read how dark chocolate can be somewhat of a good thing in moderation. Moderation? Now that's a word I'm still going to need time to adjust to. So far I am NOT ready to indulge in those things because I'm not quite at the point where "moderation" would come to mind in regards to chocolate.  DEATH by Chocolate is more like it!

Speaking of chocolate, I took some non fat, low calorie vanilla ice-cream and Jenny Craig chocolate cakes and made myself a nice little sundae last night before bed! I warmed the chocolate cakes just a tad bit, added the low calorie, low fat vanilla bean ice-cream and it was surprisingly VERY good. If I had some strawberries that would have been the bomb!

Happy Thursday everyone!

Happy Monday!

Going into my 15th week on JC, and despite my binge the other night, I actually lost 2 lbs! I really thought I blew it and was ready to accept a 1 or 2 lb gain, but I actually LOST!  18 more lbs until GOAL! 

This may seem weird, but on some level I was expecting some sort of consequences for my late night snacking binge, one of my biggest faults is that I require discipline and a hard nose approach. Without having any consequences I do not want to begin the stinking thinking that "Well, I lost weight despite eating those snacks, so maybe I can do it again!"  To avoid that I have to stick with the goals I have ready for this week:

1. STAY away from sweets all-together. NO more sweets. I will take the remaining JC sugary snacks and lock them up with the rest of the families food tonight. I only have the temptations at night to deal with. I don't eat sugary things during the day at all.

2. I am going to add 10-20 minutes more to my one hour work out's.
3. Going to give Zumba another try tomorrow night. If I like it I will do 2 classes a week!
4. I will work MORE work on ABS. I'm really afraid with the amount of weight I want to lose, everything is going to sag.. LOL I'd rather spend my money on new clothes than on a tummy tuck!
5. This is my most important one. I am going to review these goals every morning and check off each one. I am also going to work harder at my commitment bothy body and MIND!  If I let my mind wander I won't lose weight but instead I will lose my spirit which is much needed right now!  

Notice the underlined and bold words. Those are my SMART goals :) 

Today I will leave you with this great work out song!  An oldie, but a goodie!

NO more JC Snacks!

I did great putting together the Easter basket's. I even did good baking 3 dozen brightly colored cup cakes with the good sweet frosting! I didn't touch ONE.  Went to bed last night and woke up to 3 wrappers..  2 packages of the JC Cinnamon Rolls (see to the left, and yes that's what they look like and they taste even better!) and one package of the chocolate cakes.  Either it's time to lock them up too or just not order them. Their snacks are amazing. I like their chocolate cakes better than those Little Debby's!  I worked really hard this week and tomorrow is my weigh in. I just feel like I completely blew it by that binge. I have not given up, I still forced down a small breakfast and my fruit this morning and I even managed a 30 min workout before we headed over to family's for Easter dinner. I pushed my lunch back and brought my soup/veggies and was very good. Not so much of even a craving. I really want to get a handle on the night time eating, it's really effecting my motivation in a big way!  If a doctor asked me to stand on my head, recite the alphabet and touch my nose and I would stop eating at night.. I would do it in a heartbeat!   I AM NOT giving up. I have a few more snacks left and I will lock them up with the family food tonight. 

My goal for this up coming week is to add 10-20 more minutes to my work out's. I've been doing 3 days on and 1 day off for 1 hour each, I want to increase that and add some ab crunches and I might even give Zumba another try! I tried it twice and was not too crazy about it but I think I just didn't care much for the instructor, she didn't seem like she wanted to be there at all.   I would also love to find a place and do some kickboxing. That really kept me in shape a few years ago and it was a lot of fun!  What are some other ways to get a good work out and have fun?  It does get kind of boring with just the treadmill, I would love to ramp things up and have some fun!  I do the Wii Just Dance and DDR Games and while they are fun, I'm missing a group setting, I think I need to be around more people :)

I think what makes THIS time different in my journey to lose weight is my attitude. In the past when I would slip, I would just say "To Hell with it" and give up. This time I catch myself, admit it and immediately get back on the wagon. It also helps to say "If you bite it, you write it" as someone on the JC forums said ( I love that!) so I did document the big oops from last night and it's just time to move on!   My next week begins!

I bake!

So a lot of people are going to find this weird, but there is one thing I love to do and helps me forget about eating. Actually when I'm doing it, I'm not even hungry and have NO food cravings what-so-ever!  ....
NO it's not sex.. (just as good though)  

I like to bake!   No kidding, when I bake I have no craving at all to lick the bowl, the spoon, etc. In fact my only dangers of baking lies in wait at night if I have left-overs. So what I usually do is take the baked goodies to friends and/or family to enjoy and make sure I leave none at home.   Today I thought I would make some colorful spring/Easter cupcakes!   They look pretty good. No they are not low-fat, Lite, or in any way good for you so make sure if you are prone to visual cravings/triggers, back away from the blog!

These are going to go right to my husband's sister and her family for Easter. I don't have to see them again until tomorrow :)

Have a wonderful Easter everyone!   I vow not to touch a single bite of any Easter Candy! I have already prepared my own snack tray of veggies :)

Step away from the Easter Basket's!

I wonder if I am in the lower percentile in not remembering this weekend was Easter Weekend. And I'm Catholic! Easter always brings GIANT SOLID CHOCOLATE EASTER BUNNIES. My 2 girls are 17 and 18 and yes I still make them Easter basket's and I still hide them with the eggs and make them hunt for them!  This year will be a bit more difficult when I go out and shop for things last minute, and I'm not talking about it being "last minute". I'm talking about breaking an old habit. Every Easter as I would prepare the basket's The divy up would go like this... "One for you, one for you, one for you and 3 for me...."  It is NOT easy to sit and prepare those basket's without popping one of those malted eggs in your mouth.  And then there is my all time favorite and I've done nothing but think about it since I realized this was Easter weekend... RECESS PEANUT BUTTER EGGS.   I don't need a disaster plan here, I need a full on intervention!  

What is everyone doing to curtail the chocolate cravings this Easter? I think I'm going to give my hubby the honors of shopping for the candy part and putting the candy in the basket's.  I don't even want to know what is going to happen if that man of mine gets me a solid chocolate bunny this year!  Valentines day was hard enough.. I told him if he bought me candy he would wear it. Instead I got Roses and a fruit basket :)  I'm sure he is going to do right by Easter.   

So those of you on Jenny Craig, what is the exchange for the communion wafer and the Wine? 

I PROMISE

Think about how many times we make promises to 

friends, family, etc. Most likely we keep those promises or at least do our very best to keep them right?  So why is it when it comes to ourselves, we don't make promises?  When was the last time you made a true promise to yourself?  How about "I promise myself that I am going to eat healthy today!"  or "I promise myself that I am going to work out for an hour today!" ?  Seems pretty easy doesn't it?  I think it's human nature for us to try and take care of everyone else first and then what ever is left over we will take. But let's think about that more?  Yesterday at the gym there was a woman on a treadmill, not so unusual, but this woman had a baby and was breastfeeding. Now that's not so usual, but I found it rather admiring! I asked her how old the baby was and she said 11 weeks. She asked if it bothered me and I told her no way, I was admiring her dedication to herself.  Her response was "Well, if I take care of myself, I can take care of her as well".  Sounds like a win-win situation. But it certainly does put a cramp in the excuses of some women who had babies and were dealing with trying to lose that baby fat but couldn't find time to hit the gym. The baby finished her business and mom did too, the baby fell asleep as mom power walked her way for the next 30 minutes!  HA, why didn't I think of that 17 or 18 years ago?

We take on so many demands of life and work that we forget about ourselves. Putting ourselves first should be priority because then we can continue meeting the demands of everyone else, our jobs, family, etc.  Certainly if we had diabetes we would have to schedule our life around watching and monitoring our blood sugar and insulin. So why not if we have a baby, can't we get on that treadmill and take care of our babies at the same time? There is no reason!  Now I'm not sure of the legalities of the "gym" memberships out there, but I can tell you this, if anyone had told this lady to stop and I was there to see it, you can bet I would have gladly went to bat for her.  The baby was harnessed right to her and was probably happier than her at that time! She was a human rocking chair if you ask me! 

I promise that for today I am going to make good choices for me, and put myself first!

I overdid it at the gym yesterday and i blame Lolo.  Lolo is a new app I downloaded for my Itunes. This app is amazing. If you are not quite the power runner this app is for you. All the times I got up on the treadmill for a lousy 25 min I hardly burned any calories and I was killing myself!  This app gives you custom workout's for the treadmill that not only help you stay on there longer but burn A LOT of calories!  I was just trying to stay on the thing but now I've broken every one of my records on the treadmill for time and calories burned! 

 

OK, here is the website to tell you more!      http://lolofit.com/apps/lolo_burn  I love the music and the trainer is awesome. Really pushes you and motivates you!  And yes, that is my Facebook account, friend me if you like, tell me you found my blog! 

I love Wednesday's!

I  just love Wednesday's but not because it's "Hump" Day. When you own your own business Wednesday's and Friday's don't have the appeal they used to. I love Wednesday's because it's my most motivating day. Tuesday Nights brings me "The Biggest Loser" which leads to motivating me even more for Wednesday. Now I know it's not possible to lose the way they do, or as quick as they do, nor do I have nearly the weight they have to lose, but the show is still inspiring for many reasons. One of the biggest motivators is that I tell myself: "My goodness, if they can do it, it should be a BREEZE for me"  I mean think about it. Last night's show marked 16 weeks. Some of them have lost between 60-100+ lbs, and while they were in 300's or 400's that is still a significant amount of weight. Prior to the biggest loser those contestants were just like you and me. On the couch eating and telling ourselves "Tomorrow, tomorrow, I will get to it".  Tomorrow never came. So you have these very obese people who probably have never ran 5 min on a treadmill and now doing 5 K runs after 16 weeks! To me that's life-changing. And also, it's not just the weight loss or the physical exercising they do, but watching their minds grow, their motivation grow! That is the most inspiring. The more they lose, the more motivated they are, the more self-confidence they have and the easier their new lifestyle gets! I've heard many people criticize the show making it seem like they were misleading those of us sitting home on the couch because we couldn't possible do what they are doing while we have jobs, families and LIFE in the way. I say BULL to that. Just look at the past contestants, they went home and they KEPT the weight loss off and they kept up their physical and mind changing behaviors. So, what I am not on some ranch focusing only on weight loss and exercising 10 hours a day. If I just devoted 25% of the energy (body and mind) they do, I can be just as successful.   I joke with my husband that if I don't reach my goal by June, I'm going to purposely gain 100 lbs to get on this show come hell or high water.. LOL (he knows I am serious)

When Brent took Kaylee to that stadium in New Zeland that was pretty motivating. Anytime these contestants do activities where they are not in a gym, and instead they are given challenges using things you and I could find anywhere, is inspiring. Kaylee and Brent ran up and down the stadium steps and got just a good a work out as using a stair master and maybe even more! Now I might have to go up and down my stairs here at home a few more times, but you get the idea! If there is no time for the gym, then sprint or walk up and down the stairs, instead of bringing up a basket of folded laundry once, go up and down with individual pieces of laundry! Instead of fighting over that close parking spot at Walmart, park all the way in the back and walk! You will get extra steps, burn more calories and NO one is going to run a cart into your car! Walk the mall, up and down as long as you want! Do two or three passes through, and then go on with your shopping! I just don't think we can use the excuse that there is no time! I'm going to buy a jump rope and just keep it right here next to my desk and spend maybe 5 min each time I get up from my desk, just jumping rope. I used to enjoy rope jumping when I was a kid. Of course that was long before computers, iphone's and Ipod's. I wonder if there's an app for that?


Day 2 of the kitchen lock out was GOOD. Before going to bed last night I was craving chocolate (might be that TOM coming) and I caught myself opening the baking cabinet and low and behold there was a container of Betty Crocker Dark Chocolate ICING! 160 calories for 2 tbsp's UGH.  I did not open it, and instead I tossed it in trash and took trash outside. I opted instead for a cup of sugar free hot cocoa and allowed myself to have a tbsp of Lite cool whip :) Satisfied my craving for chocolate and I didn't have to feel guilty. Later on in the middle of the night I did catch myself thinking of the icing and even going out to get it.. that's pretty sick huh? But I'm not beating myself up because obviously I didn't make the treck out to the garbage and it passed, I went back to sleep and that was that. This has certainly been wierd for me because when I am waking up these last two nights, I am fully aware! Before, I was not. I would wake up and only be partly conscience of what I ws going to do or did! Now it's like this routine of locking the cabinets and the fridge have sealed my mind into acceptance.  We found a better way to deal with the key situation. My husband has a nightstand on his side of the bed. He goes to bed a few hours before me and takes keys with him and puts them in his nightstand. In order for ME to get to them, I would need to reach over him, there's no way to walk around and reaching over him is sure to wake him up. I tested him :)

Well, I am off to the gym for an hour! It's only day 3 for me since my last weigh in but for some reason I am anticipating a nice loss by Monday :) 

I leave you with this motivational Quote:


"Unless you puke, faint or die, keep going!" - Jillian Michaels

Its a good day

It's definitely going to be a good day!

I love whenever I ackomplish something that really means a lot to me. My plan last night worked!  I did indeed lock my snack cabinets and my refrigerator. I puposely left an apple and one of my Jenny Craig Anytime bars on my kitchen counter. I did wake up, but the funny thing is I already knew getting up would do me no good. So I went back to sleep.  I'm unsure if I woke up after that but one thing is for sure. I did not go into the cabinets or the refrigerator and that was where ALL the food was, so I could not have eaten anything!   to the right are some pictures of what it looked like before going to bed. I couldn't rotate them on my iphone for some reason.


My husband took the keys and our plan was he would leave them on the counter before going to work. Ok, well that part of the plan needs work because he took the keys with him because he put them in his pocket and was planning on putting them on the counter. Luckily he is just around the corner! 

I am planning on an early day at the gym because now I once again have some hope. I think if this continues to work, I will then begin to see a faster loss, much more than the one or half pound losses I have been seeing!

I was also thinking of browsing the phone book and might actually get a personal trainer. I'm such an impatient person!

I'm not a person to just give up, I never have been, I am always looking for a solution, even with things I cannot control. Sometimes that's good and sometimes, not so much <g>.  Sometimes I wish that solutions were in a jar in which everyone had access to and all you have to do is get the top off the jar and pick a solution.  Life surely would be so much easier!  

       Family                    Relationships              Miscellaneous

I'm Amazed

Well I jumped on the scale because today is my weigh in and I was completely shocked I lost 1/2 a pound! I thought for sure I was going to see a gain, with all the hurdles I had this week!  I'm still making that trip to Walmart and tonight is going to be a good night.  

I also decided I was going to try and take 30 min before bed to just relax and de-stress. From what I am reading many night time eaters are eating to reduce stress or find comfort in food, so I'm going to de-stress. I'm going to take 30 min, listen to some relaxation music on my Ipod and see if that also helps.

I just thought about something.. Walmart is known for the UN-pleasurable shopping experiences for people stressed out like me. Screaming kids is not my way of spending a relaxing day shopping? I might just head to Target, less chance of running into the screaming kids there.

Today's Plan!

Another bad night, and I'm pretty sure I was up about 3 or 4 times and awoke this morning completely exhausted.  My friend thinks I'm totally thinking about this way too much and she believes the anxiety I have every evening that leads up to bed time is the culprit OR is at least making this worse. She could be right because I have noticed on days where I really am anxious about bed time and actually planning the night with strategy, seems to be the nights I have the most disappointment!

These could work?

OK,..... so what do I do? I know that I promised myself each time I did this I would incorporate one more idea..one more idea each night.  Today, I am going to Walmart and I'm going to buy 3 or 4 of those locks they make for bicycles and give my daughter and my husband a key. I'm even going to do the fridge.  This just has to work, I cannot see myself messing around with the locks. One thing I know is that I am a LAZY night eater.. I won't go to a lot of trouble, if it's not there, I won't touch it. So this has to be it.!!  To keep things interesting, I am going to take pics of them locked up and post them here before I got to bed!  It's all about being accountable.

Aren't they adorable??

 A wierd thing happened the other night.. I went to the movies with a good friend of mine. My husband has a big hobby of race cars and works on a racing team in the pit crews so they are dilligently getting ready for racing season. He spends about 2-5 hours a night after work and on weekends working on it. I love that he has a hobby and though sometimes it gets on my nerves, I'm mostly ok with it. My husband is not a jealous guy by far. Before I left, I called him on his cell to let him know where I was going and what I was doing. He asked me "Do I have anything to worry about?"  and that's the code for.. "Honey, are you going to meet another guy?"  I of course reassured him and asked him why he asked me that and his response : "Well you lost all that weight and you look so fantastic and I've been so busy with the race cars..."  Silly man.  If he were like that all the time, certainly I would have been very irritated but since he's not I took it as a huge compliment.  It's those little things and accomplishments that make this worthwhile. I think I will keep it from him a little longer that he is one of my top reasons for going on this journey.  In fact, I am going to buy one of those (see pic on right) in the colors shown to go with my goal weight (YES ..while they are on sale!)

Today's goal is to actually get to walmart to get those locks for my cabinets. I also have a really good healthy recipe for Turkey enchilada's I'm going to test on my hubby and daughter and I will also be going for an hour and half at the gym.   I might also throw in a few games of Just Dance on Wii if my daughter is game. (I can always get her to do it with me, usually it does cost me something. LOL)

 Pictures to follow later! Have a good day  

NES

I've had a few people email me telling me they think they have NES. I think it's much more prevalent than we know. The stories all sound so familiar, grew up with it but never had to really worry until hey are older and now the pounds are adding up.. VERY Familiar.  I could kick myself in the ass for not having taken care of this sooner, but hind sight is 20/20. I should probably do a full disclosure about my battles with NES only because I've heard and been offered so many tips and ideas on how to just "stop". It's probably much easier to tell people what I have done already <g>

1. I've tied bells to my legs so that my husband can hear me get up. This helped ONCE in a while, it sure didn't help when he didn't hear me and when he did, I would actually ignore him or argue with him half/asleep, he was too scared to fully wake me and I can't say I blame him.

2. I have done the extreme of locking myself in, that has absolutely worked but many times my husband is away for work or goes to work too early and it's not very practical to stay locked in my room <g>

3. Remove or lock away foods - This works to keep me away from the cookies, ice-cream, and the very obvious bad food choices. What it just doesn't help is keeping me away from the Peanut butter, cream cheese, and I've made toast in my sleep. It's very obvious that even though I am more than half asleep, my sub-conscience knows what my conscious mind did to prevent the eating..and sabotages those efforts. If all the obvious snacks are put away or thrown out..I know this in my sleep and head right for the things that are here. No escape.  

4. I tried hypnosis twice.  The first time I was elated as it seemed to work for like a week.. I have no idea what happened for it to come back, so I made another appointment with a different hypnotist/therapist and she said we should first try some therapeutic things. I did EVERY idea and assignment she asked. NONE of them worked more than a day or two. 

5. Tried therapy.  I work for therapists and psychiatrists, psychologists so I figured I would try it myself. I saw two psychologists and one therapist. ALL of them wanted me to dig into my childhood and tried to put ideas in my head that my parents some how deprived me. I'm sorry but that is funny because my parents don't have a depriving bone in their body. I had a fantastic childhood, no traumatic events, no my parents did not beat me or starve me. The strictest rule I had growing up and regarding food was "NO food or drink in bedroom" But we were never locked out of kitchen, or had food hidden from us.

When my parents realized I was getting up in middle of the night, it wasn't so worrisome because I would be sitting at the kitchen table eating something.. though my mom constantly warned me that "Eating like that will catch up with you..." I dismissed it as a problem because I was skinny as hell! from High School to the year 2006 I never went over 110 lbs and that was my heaviest! At a checkup I had back in 2004 my doctor did tell me my cholesterol was high, but know what I did? "IGNORED HIM" why? because I thought for sure he was wrong because I believed only heavy/overweight people had high cholesterol!  I think that was my FIRST indication that Karma was about to bite me in the ass.. Literally! Even when I had my two girls (within 17 mos of each other) I was back in my skinny jeans a week later after C-sections with both of them.

I think by now you get the idea that I have NO idea, NO clue, and NO means possible to which to end this once and for all. It is, without a doubt the single most depressing thing in my life. Aside from this stupid disorder I am very blessed and have a wonderful life. 

May be more hope.  I did yet some more research and ONE person sent me an email with the idea that I might somehow be deficient on a hormone called Leptin.  

Definition:  

Leptin (Greek leptos meaning thin) is a 16 kDa protein hormone that plays a key role in regulating energy intake and energy expenditure, including appetite and metabolism. It is one of the most important adipose derived hormones.^[2] The Ob(Lep) gene (Ob for obese, Lep for leptin) is located on chromosome 7 in humans.^[3]

<sup>That is something I intend on researching further before I see my doctor again. It's hard for me to figure that something this easy would be so easily discovered by me or someone not knowing me, that my doctor would not have suggested? of all the people in my life, m doctor is the one person who empathizes most with me because I cry in his office about this all the time! I very rarely discuss this openly with anyone (though now you all who read this know!) because in some ways it sounds absurd! 

So thank you to the people who have emailed me and sent me messages. I had a lot more than were willing to post, so I have to say to them, don't be afraid to, it feels much better to let it out and I can tell you from just doing this blog it's made me much more aware of the fact that there are a lot of people like us out there! 

I don't want this to become an NES blog, the main reason I started this was to try and rid myself of any/all excuses, I know that if I HAVE to accept the NES for now, I have to find a way to work WITH it rather than against it. Overcome it, so-to-speak. Maybe that means playing around with caloric intake during the day, I don't know but I don't intend on  throwing in the towel just yet.    

Tomorrow is another Weigh in for me. Since my "day off" from dieting and worrying, I really have not done much in the way of exercising. I did go for a 30 min walk this afternoon, but that's it. I am NOT very optimistic about the weigh in tomorrow at all. If it does not come out the way I want, It won't stop me. I immediately went back on all Jenny Craig foods today and have remained faithful, I plan to continue that "today".</sup> 

Roller Coaster Ride, Should I just get off?

I had another really bad night last night and have woken up completely disgusted in myself and really feeling I have no choice but to get off this roller coaster.

I have NES and there are nights it's under control and nights it's completely out of control. Last night was the latter. I can always tell how i did the night before simply by my hunger (or lack there of) in the morning when I wake up. Also when I synced my armband it was quite clear the times I was up and also the evidence of an empty container of fruit. Before going to bed the night before there was an entire tray that would feed about 4 people of various fruit, pineapples, kiwi, grapes, melon, etc. in the middle of the tray was a fruit dip of some kind. No labels. The fruit was completely gone with the exception of some red grapes which I don't like. It doesn't take a detective to figure it out. Also there were two empty bags of the Jenny Craig veggie chips. Sure I know what your thinking..well at least I ate fruit, and Jenny Craig snacks. Well that's not how this works. I don't even have a clue what was in that dip as it was not labeled. Last time I spoke with my JCC she told me to log those foods as morning breakfasts. Well If I do that, I will obviously need to starve today to get back on track.  Actually I'm tired of trying to chase this. I really am. I'm feeling really defeated right now with about a 2% chance of getting back on track in my mind set.  A big part of me just wants off this roller coaster.  I have noticed the more vigilant I am about the NES, the more it takes over and I can't just not worry about it, the mind doesn't want to cooperate.

Whenever I bring this up to friends or family I get an array of suggestions, sympathy, but no one fully understands. I have absolutely NO power in this. It is such a helpless feeling and it's actually crushing at time. Many mornings I wake up and I just know I have blown it. It takes all my energy to put it away and just "pretend" it didn't happen. I'm just afraid of this getting worse as I go along. The better I do, the more I sabotage it at night.

I'm not feeling SO low that I would just abandon my diet at all. During the day I am OK. I am safe. Today will be a little difficult and hopefully tonight will be uneventful. I'm going to put this away for now as I don't really have the stamina to fight with it. I don't have time to go to the gym either today so I'm doubly screwed today. I need to regroup and figure out what to do next.

TGIF

So, it's last minute TAX jam..I find myself being the only one to be last minute. As I sat at my desk all day literally with papers EVERYWHERE, I felt very overwhelmed and I was worried because I knew this was going to take my whole day up. The worst part is that we are not getting a refund. :(  The IRS makes us go all through this every year for what? Either you get nothing because you worked TOO hard or you get your own money back? WTF? 


I had a very productive day if you can say cutting the IRS yet another check is productive. I did get in a great work out, got all my laundry done and hope to have the weekend free.


TGIF

THOSE Dieters..

4/13/2012

So you know those certain dieters or weight loss guru's or whatever you want to call them? The ones where they swear to God it's better to eat sprouts and grass than a big ol piece of pizza? You know the ones I'm talking about!  Well yesterday I had the unfortunate pleasure of running into one of them. The first thing she said to me was "OH you have lost weight, that's great.. Keep it up!" Are you serious? Can people be any more rude? (We'll talk more about rude people later) She proceeded to give me all the great tips to feel SOOO GOOD. The whole time I'm praying for the cashier to HURRY up so I can escape this Dallas Cowboy wannabe cheerleader.  Then she began to tell me how absolutely wonderful she felt having gotten rid of all her junk food habits, and how she'll never put those horrid foods into her gorgeous body again and that was just so wonderful for her. I could see the cast of Glee ready to belt out some tune to go with this one sided conversation! 
When I finally escaped this woman, I thought back to a few weeks ago before I hit my halfway weight.  I had seen a lot of these type of people (just really never paid attention) and the overwhelming JOY they had when they talked about salad's and protein shakes and Brussel Sprouts! Yuck.  Was I ever going to be one of them? Did I want to be? Did I really want to say I would NEVER walk into a McDonalds again, let alone raise that glorious BigMac to my lips?  I really didn't know, I suppose it's possible but for now I have to say I'm not there yet? Is that unusual? Should I have some sort of glow to me that screams "Don't Eat That, it's NOT Good for you!"? Well, i don't have the answer to that but again, all I can say is that I'm just not there yet and I'm OK with that!  Do you ever think that will be you?

I Bought Jenny Craig's first book from quite a few years ago called What have you got to Lose? In the first chapter she talks about using the S.M.A.R.T method:  Specific, Motivating, Attainable, Reasonable, Trackable

Specific - make a goal that's "specific" "I want to lose 10 pounds by exercising and eating healthy foods, for a party I am going to in late June "

Motivating - "I am going to look fabulous in that dress for the party, after I lose 10 lbs"

Attainable, - "10 lbs isn't that much to lose in 2 months at all!, I can do 1-2 lbs a week!"

Reasonable: - "This goal gives me some room to really work on my diet but I know it's better to lose the weight gradually for an overall goal of keeping the weight off. It's not a marathon"

Trackable: - "I'm going to monitor my progress to make sure I am on the right track"

What a good idea!  Not only does this seem like a healthy attitude, but it's "REALISTIC" It's just not realistic to say "I'm never going to TOUCH a piece of Pizza again!" It's not real and you are just setting yourself up for a possible failure. The minute you even think of that slice of pizza you will be reminded of that promise and you will have already begun to set yourself up for failure!  ("Oh what's the use, I'm just going to have that piece of pizza!") So you eat the one slice and then it continues ("Ugh, I feel so horrible right now, I can't believe I ate that pizza, oh well, I blew it, why not just eat more of it") So why do we keep playing this same old game, vowing to stick to something that's just not realistic? Why can't we just accept we are human and we make mistakes and yes, bad days will come and go, but so will the good ones!


I think it's much more realistic to say "I'm human and I might indulge once in a while, but I will get back on track and for today, I'm going to only eat meals I believe are healthy and well-balanced".  Then if you have that piece of pizza you merely tell yourself "Ok, I'm human, but I have control and that was good, but I'm going to stop now. I have not blown anything!"

So for today, be good to yourself. Be human, be realistic and be S.M.A.R.T! I'm going to try and remember S.M.A.R.T every day!  What's your SMART Goal?

Oh and for all of you ladies just loving your sprouts .... I am calling you out... "BULLSHIT!"
Breakfast awaits!

New Affirmation & Committment

 4/11/2011
I decided I needed a bit more accountability so this morning I decided to get this blog going and I'm going to do my very best to update it every morning!

Here is a bit of an update and some information about me.

I am one of those girls who grew up never having to worry about her weight. I was the girl who everyone would come up to and ask "How can you eat all that and not gain any weight?".  And I was pretty confident or even arrogant you might say.  It was not until I hit my late 30's that I began to slightly question things. There were no big signs right off the bat. Smaller things like "Hmm, Express must have changed the size dimensions of their jeans".  In other words, it wasn't me! Or so I told myself. Over the course of the next few years things in my personal life changed, and some of that change caused a lot of stress in my personal life. I was never a stress eater or emotional eater but rather the opposite. I would starve myself. I don't think I did it to punish myself, it was more the fact that I couldn't eat when something big was going on in my life (good or bad).  So then it hit me, my weight wasn't just determined by the food I ate or the exercise I was NOT getting. It was affected by my mind, my emotions, my stress! It was light a giant light bulb came on!  Over the course of the next few years I then noticed I played ping pong with weight. I went from 115 lbs to the final straw where I knew I had to do something..155!  At 155 I would diet (a little) but wasn't really committed. At 155 was where my back was absolutely killing me even to stand. I am only 5'0 tall so that weight was way too much for my back. I would take off the 5-7 lbs needed to be rid of the back pain and thought I was good.  I must have done this so many times over a period of 5 years.  If I had an event coming up, I would tell myself.. "it's a week.. I can lose it in a week!" But I never did and instead found myself staying home or going and being completely miserable looking around the room and knowing just a few short years ago I would have looked "HAWT" in that dress I saw someone wearing!.    December of 2010 was the final straw, where I found my full commitment and I had had enough. I had spent 5 years just thinking I was getting older and accepting this was the way it was going to be. My husband, my children, my entire family kept reminding me that just 5 short years ago I was skinny as hell! I thought that was cruel until I started watching the Biggest Loser. There were a LOT of women older than me that aimed for a weight meant for someone in their 20's and reached it, and then some!  So then it hit me.. i don't have to accept this weight! Yes it's going to be a journey for sure, it is going to be harder for me now, particularly since I've never really followed a diet in my entire life. I just didn't realize what a journey this was going to be and what I was going to find along the way!.

This was back in January when I wrote that and never posted it. I did indeed make a firm committment to do this and began Jenny Craig on January 5th of this year, I began at my weight of 155 and to-date I now weigh 135.   To many this doesn't sound overweight, but again remember that I am only 5'0 feet short and a healthy weigh for someone my size and height (I turned 44 yesterday) is between 110-120.  

I hope if you are still reading you will follow my blog and if nothing else, get a good laugh. I'm a very funny person and find laughter really can be the best medicine and comfort. 

Later on I will post what the new commitment and motivation will be, along with some setbacks that prompted this renewed energy and commitment.

Yes...

I'm bringing SEXY BACK!

BEST Iphone App

I swear the next best thing I did aside from give birth to my two amazing girls, I got an Iphone earlier this month!

I have become an application addict for sure!

I found the greatest app EVER for my weight loss Journey. It's called FoodScanner by Daily Burn, Inc.  What this does is scan the food/item's barcode and POOF comes up all the nutritional ingredients!  Why is this handy? Because when I sit down to log my food into my Body Media sometimes there are foods I have to add or even recipe's. With this I don't have to get up or dig through the trash or bring the food item over to my desk or the couch!  Here's the link if your interested.

http://dailyburn.com/foodscanner    Or from Iphone app Store search Food Scanner and look for the one by Daily Burn.

JUST DO IT

Yesterday was my birthday. For the last few months I've been telling myself and others I was turning 43, not so bad right? Problem was I really believed it and it wasn't until the night before when I happened to do the math in my head that it hit me.. wow, I lost a year!  Well that put me in a dandy mood!  So for my birthday I was still good with my diet. I did have some birthday cake but it was ZERO fat and low cal <g>  Angel food cake, which by luck happens to be my favorite. Topped with a lite calorie cool whip and fresh strawberries and I was in heaven w/out going over my 1200 calories for the day.  I was pretty proud of myself.

So here's a bombshell that I should throw out there since this is about accountability. I have a condition called NES (Nocturnal Eating Syndrome).  I've had it almost all my life but it never had a name until recently, nor was it even a problem until the last few years.  Years ago it was just funny to wake up and see that I had eaten a whole package of Oreo's or an entire jar of peanut butter, but who cared? I weighed 100 -110 lbs and was in the same jeans I wore in High school.. that was 5 years ago.  So somewhere the damn condition was right in my face and I had to get a name for it.  Over last couple of years I have seen doctors, done sleep clinics and studies and have tried every sleeping pill known to man. Ask me about my experience with Ambien! Needless to say the problem not only exists but it is really interfering with my ability to lose weight.  I know that much of this is stress, anxiety and the every-day pressures of trying to lose weight. I know this because it's only gotten worse over the last 14 weeks since I started Jenny Craig. So now that I know that I'm going to use that conclusion to SQUASH this or at the very least, get it under control!

Here are the things I have accomplished today. I took some drastic steps but understand that drastic times, call for drastic measures!

1. I went through all of my clothes in my closets and my dresser and just started tossing out clothes. I put aside 2 pairs of sweat pants and a few t-shirts and a sweatshirt and ONE pair of pajamas. I threw them in contractor bags and donated them! GONE, done, no turning back and I'll need to do laundry every single day.

2. My next move was to create a top 10 list of reasons why I wanted to lose weight. I decided this was going to be an HONEST list.. that means if I wanted to be vain, I could be!    (my list below)

3. The next step was to clean out all of my cabinets of any and all food to which I should not eat! 

Although these tasks seem very drastic and I was a little apprehensive about them, I feel pretty empowered and most of all rejuvenated and recommitted!

My reasons for wanting to lose weight (HONEST and IN order)
1. I WANT TO LOOK GOOD
2. I WANT TO FEEL BETTER ABOUT MYSELF
3. I WANT TO GET INTO A BATHING SUIT THIS SUMMER
4. I WANT TO BE ABLE TO STEAL MY TEENAGE DAUGHTER'S CLOTHES AND FOR HER TO STEAL MINE!
5. I WANT TO TURN MY HUSBAND'S HEAD AGAIN :)
6. I WANT TO FEEL YOUNG AND HEALTHY
7. I WANT TO LIVE LONG ENOUGH TO BREAK DANCE AND MOON WALK AT MY GIRLS WEDDINGS TO EMBARRASS THEM!

In closing for the day, I'm going to leave you with this .................."WINNING!"  Yes, I know it's getting old, but remember so am I :)